Terlalu Sering, Terlalu Banyak: Idah's Story

For too many times and too long, women and girls in Indonesia have experienced and endured many forms of sexual harassment/assault in their lives. Based on Survei Pengalaman Hidup Perempuan Nasional (SPHN) in 2016, it shows that one in three women between the age of 15-64 years old in Indonesia, have experienced sexual abuse in their life. The harassment could happen under any circumstances and the perpetrator could be anyone, including their own family.

“Terlalu Sering, Terlalu Banyak,” is a project exploring stories from women and girls, who survived and endured sexual harassment/assault in Indonesia. This project was a result out of anger and disappointment towards DPR decision to take out RUU PKS (draft bill concerning the elimination of sexual violence) from Prolegnas Prioritas, because they simply felt that the discussion was too ‘difficult.’ DPR’s failure to realize the importance of legalizing RUU PKS, showed that again (for countless time) the government have failed women and the victims. Legalizing RUU PKS could have safe and bring justice to many, yet they do not care, nor taking the violence seriously.

To disregard RUU PKS, is to disregard basic human rights. Postponing the legalization of RUU PKS means that every day, more and more people become vulnerable towards sexual abuse and more victims are prevented from getting justice. The irony is the government was supposed to be the ones who protect and ensure the well-being of its citizens. But they choose to disregard women and the victims of sexual abuse, through their careless act of delaying RUU PKS.

Today, we will explore Idah’s story and how she was assaulted by her own cousin when she was just 12 years old. She told us her story using her own words, as she try to find courage in facing her own trauma. This is not an easy story to tell, and it is not an easy story to read. But we hope you’ll gain a glimpse of her sufferings, so you could understand why we need to legalize RUU PKS immediately.

This is Idah’s story, know her well.

"I remember it was a sunny happy day, when I came to my cousin’s house with my mom. I came there often since my mom always went to see her sister. That day, my mom and her older sister went to the market and they left me at home only with my cousin and a helper. I was in my 6^th grade of elementary school, only 12 years old. My cousin was 17 years old, he was in his 3^rd year of high school. I wish, I followed my mom to the market that day. I wish, I didn’t refuse her offer when she told me to come with her.

I was laying on the bed. It was really hot outside, and I just wanted to turn on the AC and get a little light sleep. Suddenly, my cousin came. He thought I was already asleep because my body didn’t face him. He suddenly got on top of me, and I was appalled and scared. I didn’t really see his face, all I could feel is his body on top of my back. His hard crotch was on my butt, and his hands was all around me. He touched my breast, and stroked it carelessly. He tried to kiss my lips, and he whispered in my ear, “Jangan bilang-bilang Mama, ya.” The scene lingers on my mind clearly until today. I still could hear his rascal voice, it echoed throughout the next 8 years of my life.

I still remember how scared I was. I didn’t know what to do at that time. I hold my tears wishing my mom would come home faster, or the helper would suddenly come, or just anyone who could help me. Suddenly, his phone rang. At first he didn’t answer it, and still had his nasty hands on my breast. Then with my trembling voice, I told him to pick up the phone. It was his girlfriend calling. While he stood up, I ran off quickly and went to the front side of the house. My body was shaking, and I really want to cry because I was scared and ashamed. But all I did was sit on the floor without doing anything. I touched my lips, breast, and body carefully. Thinking how disgusting I was because someone just touched it without my consent.

I didn’t know it was sexual assault at that time. I didn’t even have the courage to tell anyone, not even my mom. From that day on, I lived my life pathetically. I blamed myself, and was too scared to meet anyone. I distanced myself from boys my age. I didn’t get the chance to create happy memories during school too. I locked myself away. I didn’t have the courage to meet my cousin or come to his house either. I was too scared, angry, and ashamed. And sadly, I kept those feelings to myself.

Eight years had passed. I finally have the courage to tell my mom. She cried when I told her about my story, and she said that she wished I’d tell her earlier. But, it was still hard for me to tell her about that incident. I didn’t even really tell her the whole story. I lied to her, that I really don’t remember it. While in fact, I remember all of those nasty things that he did to me clearly. I still remember everything, even until now.

I wish I could hug my 12-years-old self. I wish I could hug that little girl who sat helplessly on the floor, looking really traumatized on that sunny happy day."

Just because you're not experiencing it,

that doesn't mean the abuse didn't happen.

Believe and help us.

#SahkanRUUPKS