Women Around Us: Gusti Nur Asla Shabia The Popular Misfit

Gusti Nur Asla Shabia, 20 year old.

It has been more than seven years that I've known Shabia Nur Asla. She's one of my best friend and she inspires me everyday. That's why today's series of Women Around Us is  very endearing to me. Since 2012, I got to chance to watch her grow and became a better person day by day. I learned a lot about her through our friendship, and I think she's one of the strongest person I've ever met. I wanted everyone to know another side of Bia and why she's so strong until today. Thus, happy reading and I hope you can learn something from her story!

If you live with your best friend, you’ll get impromptu knocks or a kick on a door, then it’ll followed with a long conversation about life. That’s what happened with me and Bia one week ago. Both of us were dealing with a lot of problems and I guess on that day, it was just a bad day for her. She busted my door, came and sat on my bed. Her face were red and she cried instantly. This is not an unusual scene for both of us, but nevertheless that night, our conversation became one of the most memorable memories of our friendship.

Gusti Nur Asla Shabia, was born in 1998 as the only child of her family. She had a lovely childhood until she was seven years old. After that she had to battle her own insecurities and family challenges. Forced by condition, both of her parents had to quit school at such young age to help their family. Her mom is the second eldest from her family. Since young, she sacrifice herself to work and being independent to suffice her own needs. She didn’t want to become a burden to her parents since she have four little sisters. On the other hand, Bia’s father is the eldest from five siblings. Like her mother, Bia’s father had to sacrifice his education to work, so he can support his brother and sister to go to college.

Bia told me that despite the lack of educational background, it didn’t stop her mom or dad to give Bia the best education. “The only dreams and hopes of my parents and family is to see me go to college, and have a Bachelor’s degree,” said Bia. At the age of seven, Bia’s family had to face one of the scariest thing in their life. Her father were dismissed from his job due to some reasons that even until now Bia couldn’t understand why. “Since then, I think my father has trust issues when it comes to work.” It affected her family and changed everything that she knew. “I have to learn not to be selfish since I was in such young age.” Her dad worked randomly and couldn’t provide a stable income for years. Bia felt threatened and it felt unfair for her. She had dreams and hope that she wanted to achieve when she’s young, but due to her economy reasons she had to postpone her dreams. “I couldn’t take extra lessons like other kids do. There was a time I wanted to learn swimming, or dancing. But I realized that I can’t do that, because we don’t have the money.”

 

Shabia's drawings and paintings.

Bia told me that during her childhood, she didn’t have much opportunity to expand her interest and knowledge. But she tried to repay that through her academic life. She put her heart and mind to her schooling and extracurricular in her school. “I always try to survive with the things that are available. I try to be grateful with the things that I have.” She did tell me that she was sad back then. She told me that she had so much potential and other people acknowledged it. Her passion and school became her refuge from her family matters. Those two things became the whole world to Bia. “People told me that I’m multitalented! They said, “Wow you can do anything” and I’m really happy to hear that! I don’t want to be less than any other people, just because my family economy reasons prevent me from achieving my true potential. I found my own way to achieve it.”

Bia always try to do everything that she loves with maximum effort. She told me that, she didn’t want other people to have the chance to criticize her. “I don’t want other people to look down on me because I came from a rough family. I understand I still have flaws within me. But I won’t let them tear me down apart with it.” She brings that spirit and passion until today. It became her way to survive. “I learned that there are two things to cope and became stronger from your hardships in life. I have to be ‘resilient’ and ‘bounce back’. I think subconsciously I have a resilient soul.”

 

Mom, dreams and hopes.

Throughout her journey of survival, Bia told me that her mom accompanied her in every step of her way. And she is the reason why Bia survived until now. “My dad has an identity crisis and he wasn’t emotionally there for me. But not my mom. She’s always there.”

Bia remembered her mom was always provide time for her and celebrate all of her achievements. “It’s quite funny actually. But my mom always so supportive with everything that I do. She even wanted to watch me singing for a school choir on weekly ceremony at my school!” Bia told me that one of the most memorable memories of her mom was during the national exam in Junior High School. “During the exams, I remember she took me to school with taxi every day. And while I was studying in the car, she fed me. Little did I know, at that time we actually don’t have much money to take taxi every day. I just know this when I was in college, but after dropping me off to school, she always walked back and take public transportation to her office.” Bia feel so grateful and couldn’t thank her mom enough for that. Although she didn’t have a strong figure from her father, she could always count on her mom and her mom’s family. Her mom always taught her about honesty. Despite all of her troubles with her family matters, her mom never tried to sugar coat the situation. “My mom never tried to pretend that everything with my family is okay. She tried to balance out my maturity and innocence.”

She realized it now that her mom always try to reflect on everything to make things better. Bia remembered that one time her mom cried and apologized to her for their condition. “Bia, I’m really sorry that you have to go through this at such young age. But I need you and this experience will help us grow wiser. I’m sure that one day we’re going to be okay,” that’s what her mom said to Bia, back when she was in ninth grade.

 

The law of attraction.

Right now, Bia is pursuing her bachelor degree in Yogyakarta. She released her curiosity and talents in this city. But at the same time while she’s away from her family and other matters, she wanted to find a higher purpose of herself. “I don’t want to be mediocre. I want to be useful for others.” For a while she felt lost, because most of her friends in university seemed like they already knew their purpose in life. On the contrary, Bia is still figuring out herself. It’s a long process for Bia because a lot of her interest were unrevealed when she entered university. There’s a lot of trial and error happened in her college life, sometimes she couldn’t handle the pressure that she gave on to herself. “I feel that indirectly society forced us to be unique. And it made me feel that I have to prove to others that I’m different. It stressed me out, and I feel so pressured.”

 

Tarot therapy and Bia's journal.

Bia try to survive day by day with many things and elements. She tried to change her state of mind, and she started to respect her progress, even the smallest one. She believes on the law of attraction, and that’s why she start to put positive things in her rooms. For instance, notes of her dreams and hope. She also does tarot therapy, and write on her journal weekly. She believes that by doing these small things, it is her process of being grateful. “I believe that everyone have their own timeline. That’s why I try to put a lot of meanings to everything.”

Text and Photo by Smita Tanaya

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