Terlalu Sering, Terlalu Banyak: Idah's Story
For too many times and too long, women and girls in
Indonesia have experienced and endured many forms of sexual harassment/assault
in their lives. Based on Survei
Pengalaman Hidup Perempuan Nasional (SPHN) in 2016, it shows that one in
three women between the age of 15-64 years old in Indonesia, have experienced
sexual abuse in their life. The harassment could happen under any circumstances
and the perpetrator could be anyone, including their own family.
“Terlalu Sering,
Terlalu Banyak,” is a project exploring stories from women and girls, who
survived and endured sexual harassment/assault in Indonesia. This project was a
result out of anger and disappointment towards DPR decision to take out RUU PKS
(draft bill concerning the elimination of sexual violence) from Prolegnas Prioritas, because they simply
felt that the discussion was too ‘difficult.’ DPR’s failure to realize the
importance of legalizing RUU PKS, showed that again (for countless time) the
government have failed women and the victims. Legalizing RUU PKS could have
safe and bring justice to many, yet they do not care, nor taking the violence seriously.
To disregard RUU PKS, is to disregard basic human
rights. Postponing the legalization of RUU PKS means that every day, more and
more people become vulnerable towards sexual abuse and more victims are
prevented from getting justice. The irony is the government was supposed to be
the ones who protect and ensure the well-being of its citizens. But they choose
to disregard women and the victims of sexual abuse, through their careless act
of delaying RUU PKS.
Today, we will explore Idah’s story and how she was
assaulted by her own cousin when she was just 12 years old. She told us her
story using her own words, as she try to find courage in facing her own trauma. This is not an
easy story to tell, and it is not an easy story to read. But we hope you’ll gain
a glimpse of her sufferings, so you could understand why we need to legalize
RUU PKS immediately.
This is Idah’s story, know her well.
"I remember it was a sunny happy day, when I came to my
cousin’s house with my mom. I came there often since my mom always went to see
her sister. That day, my mom and her older sister went to the market and they
left me at home only with my cousin and a helper. I was in my 6th
grade of elementary school, only 12 years old. My cousin was 17 years old, he
was in his 3rd year of high school. I wish, I followed my mom to the market
that day. I wish, I didn’t refuse her offer when she told me to come with her.
I was laying on the bed. It was really hot outside,
and I just wanted to turn on the AC and get a little light sleep. Suddenly, my
cousin came. He thought I was already asleep because my body didn’t face him.
He suddenly got on top of me, and I was appalled and scared. I didn’t really see his face, all I could feel is his
body on top of my back. His hard crotch was on my butt, and his hands was all
around me. He touched my breast, and stroked it carelessly. He tried to kiss my
lips, and he whispered in my ear, “Jangan
bilang-bilang Mama, ya.” The scene lingers on my mind clearly until today.
I still could hear his rascal voice, it echoed throughout the next 8 years of
my life.
I still remember how scared I was. I didn’t know what
to do at that time. I hold my tears wishing my mom would come home faster, or
the helper would suddenly come, or just anyone who could help me. Suddenly, his
phone rang. At first he didn’t answer it, and still had his nasty hands on my
breast. Then with my trembling voice, I told him to pick up the phone. It was
his girlfriend calling. While he stood up, I ran off quickly and went to the
front side of the house. My body was shaking, and I really want to cry because
I was scared and ashamed. But all I did was sit on the floor without doing anything.
I touched my lips, breast, and body carefully. Thinking how disgusting I was
because someone just touched it without my consent.
I didn’t know it was sexual assault at that time. I didn’t
even have the courage to tell anyone, not even my mom. From that day on, I
lived my life pathetically. I blamed myself, and was too scared to meet anyone.
I distanced myself from boys my age. I didn’t get the chance to create happy
memories during school too. I locked myself away. I didn’t have the courage to
meet my cousin or come to his house either. I was too scared, angry, and
ashamed. And sadly, I kept those feelings to myself.
Eight years had passed. I finally have the courage to
tell my mom. She cried when I told her about my story, and she said that she
wished I’d tell her earlier. But, it was still hard for me to tell her about
that incident. I didn’t even really tell her the whole story. I lied to her,
that I really don’t remember it. While in fact, I remember all of those nasty
things that he did to me clearly. I still remember everything, even until now.
I wish I could hug my 12-years-old self. I wish I
could hug that little girl who sat helplessly on the floor, looking really
traumatized on that sunny happy day."
Just because you're not experiencing it,
that doesn't mean the abuse didn't happen.
Believe and help us.
#SahkanRUUPKS
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